6 Entertaining Myths That the Hosting Experts Want You to Ignore – and What You Should do Instead

For years we’ve been taught there’s a ‘right’ way to entertain. With rules to follow and etiquette to uphold, striving to be the perfect host – or the perfect guest, for that matter – can be pretty exhausting, particularly over the holiday season, when there are traditions to consider, too.

Year upon year, we pile on the pressure, yet when did we last stop to question whether these rules we work so hard to stick to still apply? With the festivities fast approaching, perhaps now is the time to relegate these to the entertaining myths pile and give your Thanksgiving hosting guide (and your Christmas one too, whilst you’re at it) an overhaul, in line with a more modern approach to entertaining.

We’ve asked those ‘in-the-know’ – from party planners and caterers to experts in hosting etiquette – which entertaining myths it’s acceptable to ignore this year, and quizzed them on what we should be doing instead to ensure everyone feels at ease – guests and host, alike.

1. Guests Shouldn’t Have to Lift a Finger

The modern version of a ‘good host’ is not one that tackles everything themselves, but one that’s present and relaxed. No one’s going to be judging your Thanksgiving table mistakes, put it that way. This more collaborative approach means it’s increasingly common – and perfectly polite – for hosts to accept help, or even ask for it.

‘Guests often want to contribute because it makes them feel part of the celebration, so think ahead of ways your guests could contribute. Helping with the Thanksgiving table decor is a creative task, while suggesting thoughtful gestures such as lighting candles or carrying dishes to the table builds connection and takes pressure off you, without turning your guests into staff’, says Myka Meier, founder of Beaumont Etiquette.

Of course, not every host wants the help, and that’s ok. As a guest, it’s your responsibility to respect their boundaries. That doesn’t mean abandoning them altogether, though.

‘Most hosts are throwing the party because they love to bring people together, so don’t leave them out of the fun. Pour them a glass of wine, and sit and chat with them while they create the magic,’ says Katie Webb Brundige, co-founder of Intertwined Events.

2. Hosts Should Cook Everything Themselves

Cooking for big groups over the festive season is a huge undertaking, and largely unrealistic with busy schedules to contend with. Luckily, modern etiquette favors shared hosting, with ‘pot luck dinners’ (where all guests bring a dish each - this Le Creuset heritage bakeware set from Williams Sonoma will cover all bases whether you're a guest or host) a popular choice, and homemade snacks, sauces and sweet treats listed as the chosen gifts top chefs bring to Thanksgiving.

‘Traditions are lovely, but there’s no rule saying you must stick to a classic menu. If your crowd prefers plant-based dishes, a Mediterranean spread, or breakfast-for-dinner over typical turkey recipes, that’s perfect – bring them all together, and you’ve got a new tradition in the making. Hosting is about creating a meal that feels true to you – not checking boxes’, says Myka.

Not everything needs to be made from scratch, either. Party planner Bonnie Bontempo, founder of Bon Bon Fete Events, gives you full permission to focus on the dishes that are special to you, and to order in the rest. ‘That way, you get the experience of cooking together, without it being an all-day chore. It’s the best of both worlds as far as I’m concerned,’ she says.

3. Guests Should Make Themselves at Home

Not wholly a myth, we admit. Guests should feel welcome in your home, but that’s not to say they can do whatever they want. Whether it’s removing shoes at the door (placing shoe storage nearby can help make your intentions clear, like this 5-tier rack from Wayfair), staying off phones, avoiding certain rooms, or giving you space to prep and cook, you’re perfectly within your rights to set boundaries. According to the pros, the key is in the communication.

‘Modern etiquette places value on being open and honest, it’s easier for everyone if they know where they stand. If you’ve got house rules, make them clear from the outset, similarly with any expectations around timings’, says Katie.

4. Arriving Early is Polite and Leaving Early is Rude

Many of us are sticklers for these timings, yet the rules have become a lot less rigid over the years. It depends on the formality of the occasion, but while it’s not great etiquette to keep your host waiting, arriving early is actually discouraged by the pros.

‘It’s better to arrive 5–15 minutes after the start time,’ says etiquette expert Sydney Dunn. ‘Those last few minutes are when hosts are finishing food prep, clearing surfaces, getting kids settled, and doing final checks. The last thing you want to do is add pressure, albeit unintentionally’.

Myka also confirms that leaving early isn’t considered rude, as long as you’re polite and intentional about it: warmly thanking the host, saying your goodbyes, and slipping out without disrupting the mood. The goal is to honor the invitation, not stay until the final dish is washed. If you know ahead that there is a certain time you need to leave by, tell the host in advance,' she advises.

Equally, hosts shouldn’t be afraid of letting guests know when the party’s over, but a heads-up beforehand on what time you’d like them to leave is a polite gesture. Stick it on the invite (these holiday party invitations from Minted will do the job nicely), and they can schedule ride shares and sitters accordingly,’ adds Katie.

5. Kids Should be Seated Separately

‘Many families today prefer one table because children often rise to the occasion when included. You can still offer special touches – coloring menus, easy thanksgiving crafts or kid-friendly dishes – while keeping them close to the festivities’, says Myka.

Nick Leighton – etiquette expert and co-host of popular podcast Were You Raised by Wolves? – also highlights the benefit of modeling good manners. ‘I think it's important for kids to dine with adults as it teaches them important life skills: how to make conversation, how to use cutlery properly, how to deal with foods you may not care for, and so on’, he explains.

That being said, there is no doubt that the kids will have a great time sitting together, and it does take the heat off parents. The entertaining myth to ignore here is not so much the concept of a kid’s table itself, but the formality around it. Expecting children to sit quietly and politely for the whole meal is outdated, regardless of where they’re sitting.

If they do get down from the table, consider setting up a child-friendly ‘zone’ where they can go to relax. Introduce flexible seating, such as comfy bean bags (or cute floor cushions like these from H&M Home) and set up some low-maintenance activities.

'We love to cover a table in kraft paper, spread out crayons and stickers, and some blocks of Lego, too. Let them play and create, and have some finger foods close by to keep them going while the grown-ups finish their meal together,’ says Katie.

6. Guests Should Wait to be Offered a Drink

Even at casual get-togethers, it’s generally good etiquette for hosts to offer a drink to their guests. But if one doesn’t appear within ten minutes or so after arriving, Sydney confirms it’s fine to politely ask. The last thing a good host wants is thirsty guests, so chances are they’ve simply forgotten and will be glad of the reminder.

If you’re the host, it can be extremely useful when guests take the initiative – less time spent refilling glasses means more time for you to be present and enjoy their company. To avoid any confusion, Bonnie recommends making your intentions clear from the offset.

‘Consider setting up a ‘self-serve’ home bar area, to make it obvious that guests should help themselves. This could be as fancy as a hot chocolate bar or festive cocktail station, with garnishes and themed stir sticks (Anthropologie) (always a hit with guests), or as simple as a stylish ice bucket from Pottery Barn with a bottle of red and a bottle of white’, she says.

Ideally you’d avoid plastic cups; using real glass feels more intentional and will elevate your party – we love these jolly stemless wine glasses from Anthropologie for a bit of festive fun. Be sure you’ve got plenty of non-alcoholic options available, and clearly labelled. ‘More and more people are skipping alcoholic choices for a variety of reasons, so it's important that everyone feels welcomed and taken care of,’ Bonnie adds.

So there you have it, our expert-approved permission to ditch these outdated entertaining myths from your thanksgiving checklist this year and take the pressure off – it’s the holiday season after all!