3 Signs You're Going Through a 'Sleep Divorce' – And the Expert Strategies to Restore Your Quality of Rest Right Now
These tell-tale indications may mean it's best to rethink your sleeping arrangements
If you've never heard of a 'sleep divorce,' you might not even be aware that you're going through one. But if bedtime with your partner has become one of the most stressful parts of the day, and you regularly find yourself waking lethargic and unrefreshed, choosing to sleep separately could be the answer to a more restful slumber.
You wouldn't be alone, either. A 2024 study found that 29% of Americans opted to sleep separately from their partner*, rising to 31% in 2025.**
3 Signs You're Going Through a Sleep Divorce
As Kathryn Pinkham, sleep expert at Silentnight, highlights, the idea of a so-called sleep divorce might sound dramatic, but it's actually far more practical than people realize.
'Sharing a bed is often treated like the ultimate sign of closeness, so when it stops working, couples can feel like something must be wrong,' she explains. 'But poor sleep makes us more irritable, more emotional, and less resilient.'
Here are the signs to keep an eye out for:
1. There Is Chronic Nighttime Conflict
Growing resentment is a sure sign of sleep divorce – but it's easy to remedy.
When I say 'nighttime conflict,' this may not refer to actual conflict. This might instead manifest as having different sleep patterns.
'Some people naturally feel sleepy early, while others are more alert later in the evening,' explains Kathryn. 'Problems can start when couples try to force the same routine.'
After all, if you go to bed before you're genuinely ready for sleep, no amount of sleep hacks will help you drift off. Instead, lying awake can leave you frustrated, and that tension can only make getting to sleep even harder.
According to sleep expert Dr. Saema Tahir, this may also show more literally as a growing bedtime resentment, whether that be irritability, tension, or anxiety specifically associated with nighttime. 'Research consistently shows that sleep deprivation increases emotional reactivity and conflict,' she advises.
To combat this, Dr. Joseph Dzierzewski, Senior Vice President of Research and Scientific Affairs at the National Sleep Foundation, advises treating the problem like a shared project, not as a personal flaw.
'Couples who identify the specific disruptor, whether it be snoring, light, noise, or mismatched schedules, and tackle it together, with earplugs, white noise, aligned bedtimes, or medical evaluation for sleep apnoea, can see improvement,' he explains.
For example, using the bestselling Magicteam White Noise Machine, available at Amazon, can mask snoring. I regularly use the Loop Quiet 2 Ear Plugs, also available at Amazon, for that same function.
Additionally, recommends Kenny Timper, certified sleep science coach with Sleepopolis, sometimes all you need is a simple daytime conversation to set shared sleep rules.
'Think separate comforters, a cooling mattress topper, or agreed-upon device cut-off times so the bed feels like neutral ground again,' he suggests.
2. You or Your Partner Display Avoidance Behavior
Don't avoid the problem – discuss it to work out a solution together.
Another sign of sleep divorce is avoidance behavior – whether that be regularly falling asleep on the couch, or relocating to another room out of exhaustion or desperation to fall asleep fast, rather than through an intentional, structured agreement for your shared bedroom.
'When sleep becomes protective rather than restorative, that pattern deserves attention,' says Dr. Saema. 'Consistent relocation to another sleep space to function the next day signals unresolved sleep disruption.'
Dr. Joseph agrees, calling this the 'clearest behavioral marker.' Fortunately, separate sleep doesn't have to mean separate lives, and you might not even need to use your guest bedroom or sofa bed moving forward.
'Planned sleep arrangements, whether that be scheduled co-sleeping nights or separate weekday sleep spaces, can optimize restorative sleep while preserving connection,' recommends Dr. Saema. 'Evidence shows that chronic sleep restriction increases cortisol levels, decreases frustration tolerance, and heightens conflict. Protecting sleep protects relational stability.'
You may also, adds Dr. Joseph, choose to create a shared winddown routine, before adjourning to separate rooms. For example, you could burn your best candle, read a book, watch a movie, or even meditate together.
My favorite candle to burn before bedtime is the NEOM Perfect Night's Sleep Scented Candle – the name says it all; in my experience, it sets the scene for a smooth wind-down.
3. You're Experiencing Poor Sleep Quality
Being constantly exhausted can be a meaningful indicator that your nighttime rest is not restorative.
According to Kenny, 'If you wake up feeling exhausted, rely on increasingly copious caffeine to function, or feel fatigued no matter how early you turn in, your shared sleep setup may be the culprit,' and you may need to rethink how you design a bedroom for better sleep.
Importantly, adds Dr. Joseph, patterns matter more than isolated nights. 'Daytime irritability, emotional distance, and reduced patience often trace directly back to disrupted sleep,' he explains. 'If you are snapping at each other at breakfast, the relationship is likely paying the price for poor nighttime sleep.
'When disrupted sleep becomes consistent and starts affecting daytime functioning or relationship satisfaction, it’s a sign that adjustments may be necessary.'
Begin by protecting and practicing healthy sleep behaviors: Consistent schedules, less late-night alcohol, and a relaxing nighttime routine.
'Better sleep reduces emotional reactivity, and couples who work towards better sleep together are more likely to see gains,' he advises.
You may also want to track disruptions and their causes for a week. I've used an Apple Watch, available at Amazon, to do this in the past, but you could also use an app, such as Sleep Cycle, which is available on Apple and Android, or simply jot down disruptions as you wake with a pen and paper.
Ultimately, though, if you sleep better separately, it's a solution, not a failure.
'Sleeping apart doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble,' says Kathryn. 'For some couples, it’s simply a way of protecting both their sleep and their relationship.'
Dr. Joseph echoes Kathryn's thoughts and stresses that it's important to remember that a 'sleep divorce' isn't inherently bad – and that many couples actually sleep better when they approach it intentionally.
'A sleep divorce also isn’t a relationship failure; it’s a sleep strategy,' he says. 'When couples choose separate sleep spaces intentionally, with clear communication and a plan to stay emotionally connected, it can strengthen both their sleep and their relationship.'
What to Shop
Whether you decide to recalibrate co-sleeping or make a more permanent decision to sleep apart, my selection of vetted sleep accessories presents some practical options to help you achieve better, deeper rest.
All prices were correct at the time of publication.
This discreet and multifunction white noise sound machine works to effectively block out disruptive and distracting noises, and is simple to use for users of all ages. It also includes a subtle night light and 28 non-looping sounds.
I have small ears and rarely find earplugs comfortable. Luckily, these ones from Loop come with four ear tip sizes (XS/S/M/L) for the perfect fit, even in smaller ears, and are made from lightweight, flexible silicone, for comfort day and night.
If your partner's sleep schedule is what's keeping you up or waking you up early, this eye mask is for you. Made with luxurious, pure mulberry silk, it's soft, comfortable, and impressively blackout.
This book is packed full of 21 smart strategies to help you sleep better, boost your energy, and improve your overall health and wellbeing. It also includes stress-reduction exercises to make it easier to drift off to sleep.
I finally slept through the night thanks to Neom's Perfect Night's Sleep range, and this mist was one of my favorites from the whole collection. It's made using only 100% natural fragrances, and lasts up to three months.
In this New York Times bestseller, preeminent neuroscientist and sleep expert Matthew Walker provides a revolutionary exploration of sleep, examining how it affects every aspect of our physical and mental well-being.
Meet the Experts
Dr. Saema is a quadruple board-certified physician who specializes in Pulmonary Disease, Critical Care Medicine, and Sleep Medicine. After graduating from Ross Medical School, she completed her Internal Medicine Residency at Case Western Reserve University at MetroHealth Medical Center. She then embarked on four years of specialty training, completing a fellowship in Sleep Medicine at Temple University Hospital and Pulmonary and Critical Care Medicine at Drexel University Hahnemann Medical Center.
Dr. Joseph is the Senior Vice President of Research and Scientific Affairs at the National Sleep Foundation, leading their scientific platform and overseeing the development of NSF’s sleep health guidelines and sleep health research activities.
He also serves as an NSF sleep expert for media and industry partnerships and engages in national advocacy efforts. He is also the most published author in the area of sleep in older adults, and has served on numerous Scientific Review Committees for the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and National Institutes of Health, as well as serving as an Associate Editor for several academic journals. Dr. Dzierzewski’s educational background is in Clinical Health Psychology, focusing on behavioral sleep medicine, and he maintains an active clinical license.
Kenny is a certified sleep science coach and has been a professional mattress tester for nearly two years. He uses his expertise to review the best and worst in bedding, sleep supplements, and more.
Another reason you may be contemplating a sleep divorce is disagreeing on why pets should never sleep on the bed – our dedicated piece details everything you need to know.
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*Data from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.
**Data from health.
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